my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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