Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
