Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
