apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
