he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
