I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
