So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
