Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
