my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
