My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you never un-have a 4some
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
