the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
