I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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