***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
