Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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