omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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