i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
