oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
