Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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