It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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