I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
