Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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