I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
