So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
