You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
