Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
