note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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