this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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