i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
