i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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