Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
