The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
