its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
