oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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