I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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