how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
