Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
