hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
they're like a gay fantastic four
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
