Old men and throwing up are my life now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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