You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
wow bdsm is so cute
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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