i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
