"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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