I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
