Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
