he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
