some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
