and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
