I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
