summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
