I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
