If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
